Shifting Seasons, Shifting Paradigms

You are my fire
The one desire,
Believe when I say
I want it that way.

But we are two worlds apart
Can’t reach to your heart
When you say that
I want it that way

Tell me why
Ain’t nothin’ but a heart ache
Tell me why
Ain’t nothin’ but a mistake
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way

Am I your fire
Your one, desire
Yes I know, it’s too late
But I want it that way.

Tell me why
Ain’t nothin’ but a heart ache
Tell me why
Ain’t nothin’ but a mistake
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way

Now I can see that we’ve fallen apart
From the way that it used to be, yeah
No matter the distance

I want you to know that

Deep down inside of me

You are my fire
The one, desire
You are, you are, you are,

Don’t wanna hear you say…

Ain’t nothin’ but a heart ache, (yeah)
Ain’t nothin’ but a mistake,
(Don’t wanna hear you say)
I never wanna hear you say, (oh, yeah)
I want it that way

Tell me why,
Ain’t nothin’ but a heart ache,
Tell me why,
Ain’t nothin’ but a mistake,
Tell me why,
I never wanna hear you say,
(Don’t wanna hear you say)
I want it that way

Tell me why…
Ain’t nothin’ but a heart ache,
Ain’t nothin’ but a mistake,
Tell me why,
I never wanna hear you say,
(never wanna hear you say)
I want it that way

Cause I want it that way

For the woman that makes me smile like an idiot in front of all my friends at work, I lovingly dedicate this song to you, MIRANDA:

LOST IN YOUR EYES (Debbie Gibson)

I get lost, in your eyes
And I feel my spirits rise
And soar like the wind
Is it love that I am in?
I get weak in a glance
Isn’t this what’s called romance?
And that’s what I know
Cause when I’m lost
I can’t let go

(Chorus)
I don’t mind
Not knowing what I’m headed for
You can take me to the skies
It’s like being lost in heaven
When (and) I’m lost in your eyes

I just felt
Don’t know why
Something is there
We can’t deny
Ooh, when I first knew
Was when I first looked at you
And if I
Can’t find my way
If salvation
Seems miles away
Oh, I’ll be found
When I’m lost in your eyes

(Repeat Chorus)

I get weak in a glance
Isn’t this what’s called romance
Oh, I’ll be found
When I am lost
In your eyes.

————————————–

(I know its an oldie but it suits you perfectly…a timeless beauty)

There are only a few people in this world who can make me so happy yet so blue at the same time.  My unicorn is one such person.  Her smile can brighten me up during my darkest hour. Her laughter is sunshine on a rainy day. Her presence is very comforting, yet the thought that a million miles are between us right now dampens my enthusiasm. "No goodbyes.  Magkikita pa tayo muli."  Its a thought I hold on to each and everyday. I hope she’s right.  She’s my angel of inspiration after all.

Finally, I accepted their offer.

And there is no turning back.

"YOU are the phantom on the sleepless nights…The mane of a unicorn glimpsed for a heartbeat through the forest…YOU are the dream."

So my chase begins…

Have you ever noticed that the worst way to
miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you can never have them
. . . when the moment you can’t feel them under your fingertips you miss them?

 
Have you ever
wondered which hurts the most; saying something and wishing you had not, or
saying nothing and wishing you had?

 
I guess the most
important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get
ashamed of because words diminish them, words shrink things that seemed
timeless when they were in your head . . . to no more than living size when
they are brought out . . . Don’t be afraid to tell someone you love him/her. If
you do, they might break your heart . . . but if you don’t, you might break
theirs.

 
Have you ever
decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you
already had with that person? Your heart decides who it likes and who it
doesn’t. You can’t tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own . . . when
you least suspect it, or even when you don’t want it to.

 
Have you ever wanted
to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid
to let you? Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to care too
much . . . for fear that the other person does not care as much, or at all.

 
Have you ever loved
someone and they had absolutely no idea whatsoever? Or fell for your
best-friend in the entire world, and then sat around and watched her fall for
someone else? Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear
of rejection was too hard to handle? We tell lies when we are afraid . . .
afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what
will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie . . . the thing we fear
grows stronger.

 
Moral: Life
is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don’t be a person who has to
look back and wonder what they would have, or could have had. No one waits
forever . . .

Happiness is a state of mind.  Its what you make of the situation.  Its an illusion brought about by positive stimuli in the environment.  Its a goal sought by restless souls. 

Could it be possible that some are just destined to be deprived from happiness?  Where strife and struggle are the common ingredients in their life’s daily recipe?

I remember a saying by Edward Judson: "Success and suffering are vitally and organically linked.  If you succeed without suffering, it is because someone suffered for you; if you should suffer without succeeding, it is in order that someone else may succeed after you."

I often wonder if this is truly my lot in life.  I was given a healthy body, a brilliant mind, work that I just love doing, interesting friends, and a loving family.  Yet happiness is still out of my reach.  I am so thankful for all that I was given, but if you think about it, I’m given the perfect coping mechanisms to face unhappiness on a daily basis.  And that is what I’ve been doing for the past 3 decades…coping.  Is it possible that I was designed this way to make sure that I perpetually remain in this restless state to make sure that others are happy? Talk about your all-around buffer.

All the while I’ve been searching for my Virgin Mary in a bathing suit (or blouse), and more likely than not I end up either disappointed or frustrated.  They always come out short.  KULANG.  Is it because my standards are too high?  Am I asking for too much? 

What is a Virgin Mary in a bathing suit?  Its a cacophony of various characteristics taken separately cannot outweigh it as a whole.  She has to be simple enough to share street food like isaw or balut yet elegant enough to eat in a fancy restaurant.  It helps when she’s gifted.  A good sense of humor is a must.  Physical beauty may fade as time goes by so its not much of an issue with me.  Yet I seek that glow.  You know, she is so beautiful inside that is just flows out of her.  She just exudes beauty.  A woman that makes me smile no matter what.  She can dance. The way she moves in the dance floor is passion personified.  She loves God and her family. She’s my every wish, my every dream, my every prayer come true.

When will the prophecy come to pass?  Will I ever get to meet my one and only Virgin Mary in a bathing suit?
         

I’ll never get used to the idea of goodbyes.  Just recently I was told to stop texting my ex just because its causing unwanted strain on their relationship.  She admitted there might be unresolved issues between us.  Its true I miss her once in a while but once I leave a relationship, there’s no turning back. 

The funny thing is I was the one who ended up apologizing.  I’m tired of apologizing.  Its a vicious cycle that I need to get out of.  The wolf may have rested, but he’s chewing on roses now.       

Breaking up with her was hard enough.  But saying goodbye to her again? 

I find it ironic at times when I start praying for something, I end up getting both what I want and what I don’t want.  Just like the other day when a friend of mine confided her problem with her boyfriend with me.  God knows that I really like this girl for the longest time, and yet I still ended up giving her advice to do all that she can to save the relationship and pray for the healing of the two wounded hearts.  I commend the Jesuits who really did a great job of instilling a great sense of morality within me, its frightening sometimes.  I knew I had to say the right thing.  I had to pray for those two.  And it worked. Moments later, the boyfriend texted her and she was happy.  I was happy for her that there was a resolution to her problem and yet I remain unsatisfied with regards to my feelings for her.  It’s weird yet it’s true.